please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
