So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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