The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
