I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
