it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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