Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
