all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
