ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
