didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
