I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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