Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
