i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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