shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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