Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
