Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
