the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
