don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
