Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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