Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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