apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm having to shit out rocks
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