And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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