sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
