Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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