She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
