how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
