well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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