we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
