I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
