'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
