drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
