I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
