Its about making memories worth repressing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
