Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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