my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
