fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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