I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
where does the pee come out of this thing
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
