the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
