it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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