I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
