Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
