White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
