the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
