Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
