walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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