It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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