I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
vagina is talking i cant
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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