I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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