i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
