bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
