We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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